This morning followed a particularly difficult night, where Reedy didn’t go to bed till late, which was fairly amusing and I made light of it on social media…. taking selfies and chuckling;
“Moon in dye, EE waiting”
“AA balloon in dye, granny cat hold booon in dye”
“Daddy White House, daddy White House now, daddy house soon, DADDY NOW!”
For a number of reasons this was a beautiful moment but my heart breaks just a little more everyday.
Finally going to bed at 11 with a nominal dose of melatonin to help him to sleep he was up at 5:30, me having been up for Carter at 3, the 5:30 wake up was not a welcome one!
Pre 9:30 I had stopped world war 3 (several times) changed two poops, “FIX IT” the hoover that Reed “BROKEN”, made/remade three breakfasts due to wrong bowl, wrong spoon and taking out a bin that “STINKS”. (along with all the normal shizzle, dressed although I fear I may have overlooked teeth!)
So when Reed was throwing a table at me in frustration on his quest for cordial with no water in, I broke, screamed at him and began sobbing like Carter; who at the same time was screaming in his cot as I couldn’t rock to sleep as I normally do. Reed had been contented playing but flipped out on Annabelle and she was screaming too.
As I tried to regain composure and work out what I was going to do next to reinstate peace I caught a glimpse of a stranger standing at my back gate clearly unsure what to do next, probably horrified by the noises coming from our house, I sought comfort in that stranger, for a split second I realise I am not invisible which is something I often feel. Especially to the people who are suppose to be close to me.
Not normally one for giving advice, but if you know/hear someone with a child with additional needs your help would never be turned away but would rarely be asked for. Probably for another blog post really, on the whole we are proud and fiercely independent but if you offer and truly mean it/make it happen then you would never be turned away.
The reality of being a single mum to three children, one with complex additional needs is a harsh one. Mostly I am smashing it but there are moments when I just sob!